This reviewer, being a seventy-three year old male, has never viewed or even been exposed to pornography. In fact, I had to Google the term.

Not true, of course. Pornography is ubiquitous in our culture, particularly on the Internet, but the urge is there to not admit having seen, let alone enjoyed, its attractions. One of the reasons I requested this book to review is to find out just how big a perv I am. I expect there are a lot of men out there with the same question. The answer, according to the author, is not very, if at all.

[alert variation=”alert-info”]Publisher: ThreeL Media
Formats: Paperback, eBook, Kindle
Purchase: Powell’s | Amazon | IndieBound | iBooks[/alert]

Dr. Ley is “an internationally recognized expert on sexual matters and mental health” who says, in part, that pornography is like any other entertainment/fantasy milieu like gambling, for instance, in that it requires awareness and restraint on the part of the consumer lest it get out of control and become a problem. That it deals with sexuality makes it all the more sensitive, in our relatively repressive culture, to misunderstandings and problems.

The book is more than the title says, a plea for ethical consumption. It’s a wide ranging, should read look at how porn can affect our lives and relationships with our intimates. It can be reassuring and bolster your self-esteem if you’re worried. It’s also a self-help book and a marriage manual (of a sort).

Ethical porn demands that the performers be paid adequately for their work, they have choices as to what activities they will engage in, whether condom use is optional or not, and just generally be treated in accordance with their wishes. In return, they will produce an entertaining fantasy that will make a profit, too. The author supplies advice on how to tell if that’s true and gives examples of some sites that fulfill these conditions. You can vote with your dollars.

The reassurance is that, if you watch porn, have fantasies and ‘get off on it,’ you are not mentally ill, you are probably normal. Women have fantasies too, so it’s not only the male half of the human race that partakes or has questions.

The author provides strategies for limiting consumption if you do feel that it’s getting away from you. At some point, professional help might be advisable.

The marriage manual deals with the fact that wives may be the most disturbed if they know that you view porn. They may feel devalued, loved less, or they might feel that they’re lacking in some way. They will find out. If you try to hide it, you will get caught. Guaranteed. (Murphy’s Law) Dr. Ley says that it might be best to have a talk with your partner and come to an understanding or accommodation before there is an embarrassing surprise that could make it all the more difficult. Some couples view porn together. Some couples make their own. Both are intriguing possibilities.

Ethical Porn for Dicks is not at all prurient in nature. The only time I noticed an increase in heart rate was when a passage suggested ways in which I might have interacted with my wife differently that might have enhanced our life together; a practical application and bonus that should not be ignored.

All in all, this is an important book that can dispel some of the misunderstandings that cause fear or disgust in some or shame and/or guilt in others.