Interview with Marcy Miller, author of Rebooting in Beverly Hills
By Kathryn Franklin
PBR: Your memoir has been described as “Sex and the City for the next generation.” You cover dating, divorce, cheating, surviving cancer, internet dating, fix-ups and matchmakers…a bit of everything! Can all readers relate even if they haven’t experienced similar trials?
Miller: The book is not about dating, per se. It is a memoir about reinvention and human interactions. And even if you have been fortunate enough to be spared the agony of divorce or a bad break-up, everyone knows someone who has been through it or is searching for a meaningful relationship, whether it is a daughter, a sibling or a friend.
PBR: Dating shows like “The Bachelor” feature finding “the one” at such a young age. Does someone coming into the dating field with four decades of life experience have a better chance of success?
Miller: I wish I could say that age translates to greater success in the dating world, but I cannot. We all make mistakes as we go down this path, and while we can spot certain “red flags” that we have seen before, there are new and different challenges to dating later in life. Some of these include interfacing with grown children, the complications of viagra (spd’s), and more baggage from both parties.
PBR: Who did you look to for dating advice while you were struggling? And now?
Miller: I would look for dating advice from a few very close girlfriends who span the generations. My 4 dating gurus range in age from 36-56 and each brings a different perspective. I would poll them for their advice, factor in my own gut feelings and then proceed. Again, that does not mean that we were correct, but at least I was comfortable and confident in my decisions. It also makes for great female bonding!
PBR: With Facebook and Twitter, younger people are finding true love over the internet. Does the “over 40” crowd have to use social media to be successful in dating?
Miller: I do not believe that social media has an age limit. I have friends in their late 50’s who use dating sites very successfully, and I have friends in their 20’s who have had no success.
PBR: Dating sites offer a screening process for potential matches. These sometimes costly sites have a better vetting process than chat rooms or message boards. Would you recommend that an older person invest money and time in these sites?
Miller: Yes. The pool of eligible men and women gets smaller as we get older, so the more help that you can get in weeding out and attracting like-minded dates, the better.
PBR: How does love endure through the ups and downs of daily life?
Miller: I wish I could answer that question. All I know is that it takes a lot of work and mindfulness to keep love alive.
PBR: After beating breast cancer and finding love, you discovered that your soulmate was cheating. But for years, things seemed perfect. How do we tell the difference between hope versus false hope when things start crumbling?
Miller: There was no false hope for me. Once trust is broken, I can never get it back, so having satisfied myself that he was cheating, I did not hold on to hope. Hope is the enemy of the broken-hearted. It leads to devastatingly wrong decisions, halts the healing process, and stalls the formulation of exit strategies.
PBR: Sometimes we do everything right, and things still don’t work out. Is this a blessing in disguise?
Miller: Yes. The trick is to not be bitter or negative and stay open to messages from the universe and to new and wonderful opportunities.
Marcy Miller is a jewelry designer who practiced and taught management labor law for 20 years. She received degrees from the University of Pennsylvania and Georgetown University Law Center. She has served on more than 15 local and national boards, and is currently dedicating her volunteer efforts to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and the Museum of Contemporary Art, both in Los Angeles. She resides with her husband in Beverly Hills. Her memoir, Rebooting in Beverly Hills: A Wise and Wild Path for Navigating the Dating World (Bancroft Press), is her first book.